Top 30 Funny Better Off Without You Quotes
#1. Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make your mind up.
Frank Zappa
#2. When I first started as an editorial cartoonist, I was terrified on a daily basis. Filling that hole the next day, knowing that tens of thousands of people were going to expect something funny. There is still that pressure, but you kind of learn how to cope with it a little better.
Steve Breen
#3. It was funny how as soon as you knew there was something better, what you had seemed unbearable.
Max Barry
#4. Now that's a sight for sore eyes, Sebastian. Maybe I should just leave you here: the hotel maids might appreciate that. Or, better still, maybe I'll take a photograph of you on my phone. Dont worry, I wont post it on the internet, it'll just be my screen saver.
Jane Harvey-Berrick
#5. I think I let go of the need for approval, ... It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself ... I could do everything based on how I want to do things.
Ellen DeGeneres
#6. My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. But I don't want 'em to, you know, I'm like "Hey, hold on, fellas. Let me hold one of you. And feed you a leaf."
Mitch Hedberg
#7. My father was funnier than me. My father was Richard Pryor-funny. I'm just a better businessman.
Tracy Morgan
#8. When I was younger I used to think that band-aids did all the work. I mean after all, it binds your wound together and makes everything better back to the way it was. But then I became an adult and started to fall in love,fvi and I realize that band-aids are so overrated lol.
Onee'sha Ford
#9. Reagan was an exceedingly likeable guy, just a heck of a nice fellow, despite his politics. He was funny and loved a good joke, the dirtier, I'm afraid the more ethnic, the better. I don't think he brought very much to the presidency, except charisma and success.
Walter Cronkite
#10. It's a cold night out tonight. The Padres better warm up real good because it's stiff out there.
Jerry Coleman
#11. We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.
Bobby Robson
#13. I try to make a film that's very entertaining, very funny, but also gives you something to think about. And the strongest thing I have to offer is my point of view, to get across how I see the world in hopes that it can change the way other people see the world, hopefully for the better.
Terry Zwigoff
#14. Finn is God: So much for Earth Day. I totally screwed things up and started celebrating the wrong planet. Now I have to collect all these stupid trademarked dog figurines that I distributed all of the yard. At least it's better than last year's mistake when I had butt statues everywhere.
Jessica Park
#15. We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
#16. You're far too prickly tempered to be a mistress. You're far better suited as a wife.
Lisa Kleypas
#17. One thing I will say, they often take it better than a man. Pain, that is. Probably the residue of tolerance from when they were all bloody witches and got stoned or burned or drowned for it, eh lad? Never tell your mother I said that, by the way.
Sarah Hall
#18. To me, life is like the back nine in golf. Sometimes you play better on the back nine. You may not be stronger, but hopefully you're wiser. And if you keep most of your marbles intact, you can add a note of wisdom to the coming generation.
Clint Eastwood
#19. Oh Lola's Boobs,' he says into my chest, 'I wish we knew each other better.'
I crack up laughing.
'What's that you say?' he jokes, putting his ear to my right breast. 'You wish you could come out to play more often but Lola doesn't let you? Well, that's a shame.
Bianca Giovanni
#20. Maybe I shouldn't scare off my date so quickly by shooting guns and telling stories about vomit, but, hey, the sooner he knows the real me, the better.
Vicki Lesage
#21. If a song is funny and absurd, and it sounds great, it's just going to be that much funnier. And there's no better example of that than 'Monty Python.'
Seth MacFarlane
#22. Don't put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!
J.K. Rowling
#23. Whenever I'm running an hour late for for work, it always makes me feel better when I can leave an hour early at the end of the day to make up for it.
Mark W. Boyer
#24. Allen's Law of Civilization: It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
Paul Dickson
#25. Dad, I'll never do any better. He's smart and funny and good-looking.."
Stephanie," he took both my hands, "how could you do any worse?"
Best rhetorical question ever.
Stephanie Klein
#26. June laughs. "I have to say, you look better than most people I see. I've heard a lot about you."
"I hear about you a lot too," Eden replies in a rush, "mostly from Daniel. He thinks you're really hot.
Marie Lu
#27. I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.
Mitch Hedberg
#28. An educated theologian: someone who's better at rationalizing what they're pretending to know.
Peter Boghossian
#29. I love nothing better than a dirty cartoon. I think that it's really, really funny to see adult themes in a genre that's usually directed towards children.
John DiMaggio
#30. So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America ... but whatever you decide to do, it better be positive, 'cause if one person is harmed, you will be destroyed. You see Oprah, she just be giving away money. She's doing that to keep the Feds off her back.
Chris Rock
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