Top 32 Funny 5 O'clock Quotes

#1. Sometimes writing is like talking to a stranger who's exactly like yourself in every possible way, only to realize that this stranger is as boring as shit.

Chuck Klosterman

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #19
#2. She says screens are the cigarettes of our age. They're toxic, and we're only going to realize the damage they're doing when it's too late.

Sophie Kinsella

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #44
#3. Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?

Henny Youngman

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #90
#4. Funny, there had been a time when building things was what America did. From massive dams to towering skyscrapers, from mechanized factories to moon rockets, the nation had created, had viewed that as part of the national identity.

Marcus Sakey

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #352
#5. Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.

Steven Wright

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #372
#6. What I don't like is when I see stuff that I know has had a lot of improv done or is playing around where there's no purpose to the scene other than to just be funny. What you don't want is funny scene, funny scene, funny scene, and now here's the epiphany scene and then the movie's over.

Paul Feig

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #410
#7. He can't get broke so long as he is stuffed with money.

L. Frank Baum

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #506
#8. Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again?

Sherrilyn Kenyon

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #527
#9. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Will Rogers

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #768
#10. The older I get, the faster I was.

Charles Barkley

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #938
#11. Sarcasm isn't at all funny when it's the truth

Colleen Hoover

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #1019
#12. Not one word," Kel warned. "Tobe and I have reached an understanding."
Neal's lips twitched. "Why do I feel you did most of the understanding.

Tamora Pierce

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #1115
#13. It's funny when I hear people complain - particularly about the most fabulous parts of being a designer, like when you're getting ready to work on a show. I don't even know that I'm tired. I could stay up for six days straight! No drugs, no coffee, no nothing. I'm just so excited.

Michael Kors

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #1161
#14. I've seen people who are not very likeable but hilarious. I think comedians get to a point where they know they're funny, so they don't care - in the sense that they know what they're doing. They have a skill.

Ted Alexandro

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #1285
#15. It was a small town: Ferguson, Ohio. When you entered there was a big sign and it said, "Welcome to Ferguson. Beware of the Dog." The all-night drugstore closed at noon.

Jackie Vernon

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #1313
#16. Maybe I think you're cute and funny. Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you, if you know what I mean.

Ingrid Michaelson

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #1414
#17. On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside.

Frankie Boyle

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #11848
#18. The clock struck eleven and cat the vampire huntress was on the loose, except my battle armor was a push-up bra, curled hair, and a short dress. Yeah, it was a dirty job, but I was going to do it. Come one, come all, bloodsuckers! Bar's open!

Jeaniene Frost

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #128469
#19. As one would expect, the Pope's schedule is quite disciplined - he wakes up at four o'clock each morning and runs on the treadmill for an hour. I'm totally kidding. Nobody's knees have time for that.

Jared Brock

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #183782
#20. There were no windows in my bedroom, so I had to sit up and read my clock to figure out how angry I should be at my visitor. Eight A.M. I hated whoever woke me up. Had they come an hour earlier, I would have also hated their families and any household pets.

Lish McBride

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #268142
#21. When the first book out my sister-in-law read it and we were chatting at 5 o'clock in the afternoon and she said, "Oh my God, chapter six, sex and a murder," and her five year old wandered into the kitchen and said, "Sixty hamburgers?

Sara Sheridan

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #494280
#22. Leader, bandits at 2 o'clock! Roger; it's only 1:30 now-what'll I do 'til then?

Bill Watterson

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #689549
#23. Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.

Dave Barry

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #699545
#24. DeShaies is like a clock out there. Every other pitch goes one way or the other.

Jerry Coleman

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #862936
#25. When I started my program ... there was a big clock in the corner and I looked and it said nine o'clock exactly. And it was funny, because when I was standing on the podium, it said exactly 10 p.m., and this whole hour had changed my life.

Sarah Hughes

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #873308
#26. It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.

Bob Saget

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #925464
#27. Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.

Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #1077598
#28. It's a battle with himself and with the ticking finger of the clock.

David Coleman

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #1401082
#29. I couldn't believe it. That was the first time I had ever seen somebody celebrate for a whole 40-second clock. That was ridiculous.

Charles Woodson

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #1557088
#30. I saw something stupid in the paper today. A new alarm clock that makes no noise. It's for people who don't like loud noises. Instead, it slowly hits you with light and gets brighter and brighter until you wake up. I already have one of those.. it's called a window.

Jay Leno

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #1570287
#31. She appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart.

Celia Rivenbark

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #1693270
#32. yes, i have dated Salvador Dali guy when i was a high school girl. he was a great lover. but i had to dump him because he stole my inspiration of bent clock*~* .... who cares...

Hiroko Sakai

Funny 5 O'clock Quotes #1730116

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