Frankie Boyle Best Quotes

#1. Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she hasn't joined them!

Frankie Boyle

#2. The debate is whether the war is legal. It has brought pain, misery and desperation to hundreds of thousands of people. Does that sound legal to you? To me it sounds like the dictionary definition of the legal profession.

Frankie Boyle

#3. I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?

Frankie Boyle

#4. When I heard Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured holding a manbag, I was surprised it was a gucci bag and not another guy's sack.

Frankie Boyle

#5. Stephen Hawking: Brainier than Kurt Cobain's garage wall.

Frankie Boyle

#6. When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.

Frankie Boyle

#7. If Harry Potter's so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid. A teenage lad shouldnt need a broomstick to cling onto.

Frankie Boyle

#8. In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.

Frankie Boyle

#9. I think it's my memory of this period that makes me fantasise about living in the country. In reality I know there would be no shops and I would kill myself.

Frankie Boyle

#10. I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the world. There were seven O-Levels in that room, and they were all mine.

Frankie Boyle

#11. Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch.

Frankie Boyle

#12. Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!

Frankie Boyle

#13. I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think ... is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?

Frankie Boyle

#14. My uncle would have about ten pints some nights and then drive us all home. I guess the feeling was that we weren't going to crash into anyone, because barely any fucker lived there.

Frankie Boyle

#15. I want to trace my father, could you suggest a good marker pen?

Frankie Boyle

#16. On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside.

Frankie Boyle

#17. People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'.

Frankie Boyle

#18. I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.

Frankie Boyle

#19. Not only will America go to your country and kill all your people. But they'll come back 20 years later and make a movie about how killing your people made their soldiers feel sad.

Frankie Boyle

#20. Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.

Frankie Boyle

#21. I don't know how long i could be a vet before i got bored and started shagging stuff.

Frankie Boyle

#22. It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol.

Frankie Boyle

#23. A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out.

Frankie Boyle

#24. I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're taking part in the conception of the Antichrist.

Frankie Boyle

#25. Political correctness has changed everything. People forget that political correctness used to be called spastic gay talk.

Frankie Boyle

#26. Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative: aye right.

Frankie Boyle

#27. There are fears that Britain could be facing a double-dip recession, or worse still, a double-dip with misery sprinkles and fuck-where's-my-job-sauce.

Frankie Boyle

#28. Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?

Frankie Boyle

#29. I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day ... Chlamydia.

Frankie Boyle

#30. Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

Frankie Boyle