Top 20 Ex Husband Jokes Quotes
#1. Know why certain foods, such as truffles, are expensive. It's not because they taste best.
Marilyn Vos Savant
#2. When does a wife know that her husband is cheating on her? When he starts complaining about the lack of water as he wants to have two showers a week." This was one of the many popular jokes.
Felix Abt
#3. The man of meditation is the man who wastes no time, scatters no energy, misses no opportunity.
Annie Besant
#4. She took her husband's jokes and joviality as patiently as everything else, considering that "men would be so", and viewing the stronger sex in the light of animals whom it had pleased Heaven to make naturally troublesome, like bulls and turkey-cocks.
George Eliot
#5. I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.
Roseanne Barr
#6. The Republican consciousness has no integrity and it falls apart once you check it out. If you're a Christian, why would you want to fry this dude?
Ken Kesey
#7. As when astronaut Mike Mulhane was asked by a NASA psychiatrist what epitaph he'd like to have on his gravestone, Mulhane answered, "A loving husband and devoted father," though in reality, he jokes in "Riding Rockets," "I would have sold my wife and children into slavery for a ride into space.
Mary Roach
#8. Rock stars, is there anything they don't know?
Homer
#9. Sir, you have tasted two whole worms; you have hissed all my mystery lectures and been caught fighting a liar in the quad; you will leave by the next town drain.
William Archibald Spooner
#11. The traditional media [in China] is still heavily controlled by the government; social media offers an opening to let the steam out a little bit. But because you don't have many other openings, the heat coming out of this opening is sometimes very strong, active and even violent.
Yang Lan
#12. Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#13. Every time a woman makes herself laugh at her husband's often-told jokes she betrays him. The man who looks at his woman and says 'What would I do without you?' is already destroyed.
Germaine Greer
#14. My husband jokes that I'll invite people over for dinner and he won't know who they are or where I met them. But in my work world, I've never really been tempted to tell too much of my story.
Carrie-Anne Moss
#15. He had seen highly competent men stand as if paralyzed in a crisis, though once someone took command and told them what to do they might perform splendidly.
Larry McMurtry
#16. I am a crazy online shopper. My husband always jokes, 'Another box arrived!' Airplanes used to be my sanctuary for reading books, but now I have to peruse Gilt sales.
Lisa Ling
#18. In spouse, I mostly hear "S.mouse," the name of Chris Lilley's blackface teenage rapper in Angry Boys. And
Augusten Burroughs
#19. It's all your fault, Mother,' said Larry austerely; 'you shouldn't have brought us up to be so selfish.' 'I like that!' exclaimed Mother. 'I never did anything of the sort!' 'Well, we didn't get as selfish as this without some guidance,' said Larry.
Gerald Durrell
#20. I don't have any jokes about my divorce or my ex-husband, who is a lovely person. It really is about how I was an idiot trying to push this guy to get married when I wasn't even sure if I wanted to.
Jen Kirkman