Don't Wake Me Up Funny Quotes

#1. Plea XXI. Echoing Footsteps XXII. The Sea Still Rises XXIII. Fire Rises XXIV. Drawn to the Loadstone Rock Book

Charles Dickens

#2. I wake up every day and look at my own ugly mug in the mirror and don't think twice about it. The fact that other people might want to look at me still feels funny. It's flattering, but funny.

Luke Bracey

#3. Deliverance is about what I went through the first time. And I chalk it up as a learning experience.

Bubba Sparxxx

#4. Politics has become incendiary. People don't find it so funny now so I have to be careful, but I have to wake them up with some truths and the truths I aim at them are over 100 years old. Facts that no one can dispute.

Hal Holbrook

#5. Where Church and State are habitually associated, it is natural that minds, even of a high order, should unconsciously come to regard religion as only a subtler mode of police.

James Russell Lowell

#6. You can create sense out of nonsense, something out of nothing. You can create wealth out of dearth, viable ventures out of turbulent adventures. You can create mercies out of miseries. You can create tomorrow's peace out of today's crisis.

Ikechukwu Joseph

#7. Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna, though. You bet your ass, I will have a beret on. That's ridiculous, but it's true. I always fight with wearing a beret.

Mitch Hedberg

#8. I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.

Mitch Hedberg

#9. Living in a godless universe is our freedom, our salvation, not our tragedy.

Marty Rubin

#10. I feel like if I hold things close, never share, then I never give anyone the opportunity to judge me.

Kasie West

#11. They've bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they've put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you numb and you can last for longer. Or, you can wear it inside out and you don't have to wake anybody up!

Frankie Boyle

#12. The bankers just got a good cussing by everybody for loaning too much money. Well, they got some awful nice buildings. So when a banker fails, he fails in splendor.

Will Rogers

#13. I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'

Joan Rivers

#14. I saw something stupid in the paper today. A new alarm clock that makes no noise. It's for people who don't like loud noises. Instead, it slowly hits you with light and gets brighter and brighter until you wake up. I already have one of those.. it's called a window.

Jay Leno

#15. How funny would it be if we left a trail of Faerie dust in our wake?"
"That would be hilarious." I laughed. "It's a shame we don't produce any." Do we? I idiotically shook my hand as I tried to brandish Faerie dust like Tinkerbell. It didn't work.

Cesya MaRae Cuono

#16. It was announced that any parent arriving more than ten minutes late would pay $3 per child for each incident. The fee would be added to the parents' monthly bill, which was roughly $380. After the fine was enacted, the number of late pickups promptly went ... up.

Steven D. Levitt