Denis Norden Quotes

#1. I am irrevocably committed to being permanently indecisive.

Ashleigh Brilliant

#2. It's a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan it's when you discover that your wife left you in May.

Denis Norden

#3. Dictum on television scripts: We don't want it good - we want it Tuesday.

Denis Norden

#4. Then after that came word processors and it's hard to make those laugh.

Denis Norden

#5. I used to like writing for comedians - I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny.

Denis Norden

#6. Frank liked administrative work and was good at it.

Denis Norden

#7. And when you're on your own there is that terrifying possibility that you may be the only person on the planet who thinks it's funny - and you have no way of finding out.

Denis Norden

#8. Everyone who appears in a scene gets paid.

Denis Norden

#9. You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D.

Denis Norden

#10. But the more these conscious illusions of the ruling class are shown to be false and the less they satisfy common sense, the more dogmatically they are asserted and the more deceitful, moralizing and spiritual becomes the language of established society.

Karl Marx

#11. Watch out for that effelant. They're green and like the taste of Vikings.

Mark Lawrence

#12. It's like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it's remembered.

Denis Norden

#13. There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car.

Denis Norden

#14. You can be the lead in your own life.

Kerry Washington

#15. My love is my weight. Because of it, I move.

Saint Augustine

#16. Every risk is worth taking as long as it's for a good cause, and contributes to a good life.

Richard Branson

#17. Middle age is when, whenever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater.

Denis Norden

#18. Probably a mistake, you know, that people make in America, to think that all great chefs are a male ... I'm still the only male in the family who went into that business.

Jacques Pepin

#19. If all the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, where do all the audiences come from?

Denis Norden

#20. If the laughter of the audience was malicious we wouldn't show it.

Denis Norden

#21. I defy anyone to get a decision that quickly these days.

Denis Norden

#22. And if you can offer an explanation as to why it doesn't work then you've got to the whole root of comedy.

Denis Norden

#23. The comedians all finished their acts with a song. They would get a certain amount of money from the song publishers and would use that money to pay the writers. None of them paid very much for their comedy material, but it all added up.

Denis Norden

#24. A counter tenor is anyone who can count to ten.

Denis Norden

#25. What is a harp but an oversized cheese slicer with cultural pretensions?

Denis Norden

#26. Women are called womanly only when they regard themselves as existing solely for the use of men.

George Bernard Shaw