Conti Quotes

#1. I have a lot of funny friends, though not everyone's funny all the time. Doon Mackichan's my funniest friend in the pub; Nina Conti's the funniest with a monkey.

Sally Phillips

#2. [Showing the apartment to Tiziano ]
MARLEEN WALKER: "Let me alert you that animals are banned in this building."
TIZIANO CONTI: "Am I breaking the law right now?

Merce Cardus

#3. Lust is a tool, desire a trap. Wield the first, and you can take someone's soul. Fall into the second, and they can take yours. ~ Isadora Conti to Grayson van Court

Riley Shane

#4. I am now known as Nina Conti's father and it's wonderful.

Tom Conti

#5. AMOS CONTI'S PRECEPT
Don't try too hard to be cool. It always shows, and that's uncool.

R.J. Palacio

#6. Don't try too hard to be cool. It always shows, and that's uncool.
-Amos Conti

R.J. Palacio

#7. HELEN HAYES: "Which part of The Divine Comedy do you like the most, Tiziano?"
TIZIANO CONTI: "The fifth Canto."
HELEN HAYES: "The Hell, huh?"
TIZIANO CONTI: "L'inferno depicts the truth.

Merce Cardus

#8. I like my squishy, red, high-heeled Vivienne Westwood jelly shoes. They make you seem like you're much more of a go-er.

Nina Conti

#9. It's all good fun - television and movies and so on - but the good thing in theatre is there's nothing and no one between you and the audience so you can do what you want really.

Tom Conti

#10. I've always felt like a foreigner wherever I've lived. I don't feel much towards my Italian or Scottish roots, although I do cook the pasta at home.

Tom Conti

#11. If I'm on my own, I'll speak to 'Monkey' to generate new stuff for the act. I mean, I don't do it for moral support, although I wouldn't say that's out of the question. In fact, I could do it, I might do it ... yes, I think I should actually start doing it more.

Nina Conti

#12. My temper manifests itself when I can't find something. I could swear that there is a plot against me to put kitchen utensils in the wrong drawers.

Tom Conti

#13. I was really awful at auditions. There's something about sitting down and saying into the camera: 'I'm Nina and this is the name of my agent.' That makes me just die inside.

Nina Conti

#14. I'm training to become a giggle doctor. It's a kind of hospital clown who changes the atmosphere on the ward and helps recovery. It's about making patients laugh but also much more.

Nina Conti

#15. My dad is a much more flamboyant character than I am. I think that's why I couldn't see myself going into straight acting. I always just felt daft.

Nina Conti

#16. Having a puppet is a way of having opposing opinions - I say a thing; he says the other.

Nina Conti

#17. There's a higher place that I have no illusions about reaching. There's a sophistication and aesthetic about composers who only write only for the music's sake.

Bill Conti

#18. I don't want to tie myself into one area or the other. I think its important not to rely heavily on either TV or stand-up, but to let them work off of each other.

Nina Conti

#19. When I'm gigging, there's an uneasy shift when I pull a puppet out. People look at me aghast and I feel I have about 20 seconds to win them over. You even get the prejudice among other people in your own profession.

Nina Conti

#20. It's sad, the lottery. Good projects get funded by it, but there's an air of desperation about it.

Nina Conti

#21. I had a terrible dream when I was pregnant; I dreamt the baby had a ventriloquial mouth, but there was no hand hole; I had to flick the mouth down to get words out.

Nina Conti

#22. Procrastination is probably my worst habit out of many. Especially when it comes to paperwork.

Tom Conti

#23. So many actors are lively-minded, creative people who just tread water in this awful way, waiting for the phone to ring and doing their hair for auditions. It feels like a bit of a dreamer's life - as opposed to a sensible ventriloquist's life.

Nina Conti

#24. I think acting is overrated. I'm not sure I enjoyed it. You never get to write your own roles. It's wonderful for some people, but I found it nerve-wracking. I was too busy worrying that no one would give me their words to speak.

Nina Conti

#25. The most satisfaction I get is from doing a good gig, which really makes you feel in control. If you've worked a room really well, it makes you feel great. TV is a bit more difficult; there are more factors that can screw it up along the way.

Nina Conti

#26. I always said I wanted to be scientist, but I didn't really have the staying power.

Nina Conti

#27. With acting, I always felt like I didn't have control of it. It was all about other people giving me a job.

Nina Conti

#28. If you look at movies with Cary Grant or Jimmy Stewart and all the rest of it, none of them looks like a boy. They always looked like mature men. The audience didn't want to go and see kids.

Tom Conti

#29. I make napkins talk in restaurants, socks talk on car journeys. There is an awful lot of puppetry going on in the house.

Nina Conti

#30. I think I've got it pretty easy compared with somebody who works at a desk nine to five. I'm just working for an hour in the evening. I get a bit breathless, as I have to talk non-stop because of the puppets.

Nina Conti

#31. I like writing songs - I keep saying that one day I'll do something with them, but I haven't yet.

Tom Conti

#32. Because I'm around comedians all the time, in my downtime I tend not to watch comedy. Something the whole family enjoys is 'You've Been Framed!' It satisfies all of us. It's universal, and we all laugh a lot.

Nina Conti

#33. I could never be on stage on my own. But puppets can say things that humans can't say.

Nina Conti

#34. Fame is a silly business. People who chase it are almost always going to be disappointed.

Tom Conti

#35. I do laugh when I hear myself saying, 'I am a ventriloquist.' I am definitely suited to it, though. I took it and ran with it quite hungrily. It is not for everyone, but it is just the chance to write for a character.

Nina Conti

#36. Once I'm on stage, there's just no time for a sip of water - I've always got my hands in puppets! My voice is raw by the time I finish.

Nina Conti

#37. I feel Scottish when with English people, and when I'm with Scottish people, I realise I'm English.

Nina Conti

#38. If you didn't join for the girls, choose another profession.

Tom Conti

#39. If I have a gig in the evening, I get 'the doom' at about 5 P.M., when I think I'm getting flu.

Nina Conti

#40. The character of the monkey just grew from something out of his face and my granddad's personality. They fused, and that's what I ended up with! The monkey belonged to a friend of mine, and I saw that it had such a little beguiling face and it grew from there.

Nina Conti

#41. Some friends said they weren't surprised to find out Napoleon and I were related, but it came as quite a shock to me.

Tom Conti

#42. There are so many people in film and television that get between a performer and the audience, and that's frustrating.

Tom Conti

#43. I thought people would think I only wanted to be an actor because my dad was, rather than because I had an innate calling.

Nina Conti

#44. My puppets are far more liberated than I am. Ventriloquism is a useful way of expressing myself.

Nina Conti

#45. When the plane is delayed, it's not the fault of the girl at the desk. I'm resigned to the fact that everything is out of my control and that air travel nowadays is barbaric.

Tom Conti

#46. I've started running three or four times a week, which prompts millions of sketch ideas.

Nina Conti

#47. The way I talk to the puppets is real, and it's in the moment, and it's seeing what will happen. It's not something that is scripted.

Nina Conti

#48. In the back of your mind, when you say you want to write music for the movies, you're saying that you want a big house, a big car and a boat. If you just wanted to write music, you could live in Kansas and do it.

Bill Conti

#49. I have a natural resistance to being humiliated.

Tom Conti