Classic Insult Humor Quotes

#1. CASSIO: Dost thou hear, my honest friend?
CLOWN: No, I hear not your honest friend, I hear you.
CASSIO: Prithee, keep up thy quillets.

William Shakespeare

#2. I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Mark Twain

#3. If you don't allow freedom, then you can't have freedom.

Aaron Russo

#4. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Dorothy Parker

#5. To speak much is one thing; to speak to the point another!

Sophocles

#6. He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.

P.G. Wodehouse

#7. That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

Dorothy Parker

#8. If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

Dorothy Parker

#9. An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea." Churchill's response, "Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it.

Winston S. Churchill

#10. We live but a fraction of our lives.

Henry David Thoreau

#11. Jesus' idea of blessing is completely contrary to ours. It has nothing to do with what we have, and everything to do with who we are.

Cole Ryan

#12. She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

Dorothy Parker

#13. ... the delusion that because we are able to do what we "will to do" in acts that are habitual and involve familiar sensory experiences, we shall be equally successful in doing what we "will to do" in acts which are contrary to our habit and therefore involve sensory experiences that are unfamiliar.

F. Matthias Alexander

#14. The deeds and motive of man define his personality.

Lailah Gifty Akita