Chortled Def Quotes

#1. Government aid programs have been endlessly expanded, and the government has sought to maximize the number of people willing to accept handouts ... Roughly half of all Americans are dependent on the government, either for handouts, pensions, or paychecks.

James Bovard

#2. The sure path to tomorrow was plotted in a manger and paved on a cross. And although this sturdy byway is mine for the taking, I have incessantly chosen lesser paths. And maybe it is time to realize that Christmas is a promise that I can walk through the world and never get lost in the woods.

Craig D. Lounsbrough

#3. Life excites me-just little, normal, everyday things. Getting out of bed. Getting dressed. Making food. I find it all exciting.

Liv Tyler

#4. I never use paradox. The statements I make are wearisome and obvious common sense. I have even been driven to the tedium of reading through my own books, and have been unable to find any paradox. In fact, that thing is quite tragic, and some day I shall hope to write an epic called 'Paradox Lost'.

G.K. Chesterton

#5. Bill Clinton is the greatest president of the 20th century because I played touch football with him.

Al Franken

#6. Holy shit, he was harder that a rod of steel, and as his leg ground out a torturous rhythm between my thighs, I realized I was hotter than spring in Seattle.
This was not a dream, this was real, and I had just fondled the boner of the Grim Reaper.

Tara West

#7. [On her dogs:] I have four now. My friends tell me if I get any more they'll have to hold an intervention.

Cynthia Heimel

#8. Mental indolence is one of the commonest of human traits

Anonymous

#9. With an air of confession, Jin lowered his voice. Eggs come out of chickens' butts, you know.

Lois McMaster Bujold

#10. You cannot hide from your heart, Kate. It always finds you. And, sadly, I cannot hide from mine.

Rysa Walker

#11. There is nothing in our experience, however trivial, worldly, or even evil, which cannot be thought about christianly.

Harry Blamires

#12. We're more than just our dresses.

Reese Witherspoon

#13. BLOOD NEVER SLEEPS.

Daniel Silva

#14. Emotional pain rarely comes up for me now. When it does, for sure, I feel it. But then, fortunately, through my life experience and my practices, I'm able to see it for what it is, and I'm able to use the techniques that yoga and Ayurveda have to offer us.

Brad Willis

#15. When my daughter was born, I was a stay-at-home dad for the first two years.

Sean Maher