Best Website For Funny Quotes

#1. While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach. - Author: Chelsea Handler

#2. Don't choose to walk the well-worn path to regret. Be amongst the few who dare to follow their dreams! - Author: Steve Maraboli

#3. A silk dress in four sections, and shoes with high heels that would have broken the heart of John Calvin. - Author: Stephen Leacock

#4. Mama always told me not to look into the sights of the sun. Oh, but mama, that's where the fun is. - Author: Bruce Springsteen

#5. Am I a household name? I still can't get my head around that. - Author: Brendan Coyle

#6. The Sewing Machine Charm

To A Life Bound by Family, The Thread That Ties Us All Together - Author: Viola Shipman

#7. You know all that you need to know, you just don't know that you know. - Author: Connie Howell

#8. Considering a work program at this time is quite simply out of touch with the reality we confront. - Author: John Negroponte

#9. I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me. - Author: J. B. Smoove

#10. Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy. - Author: Ilona Andrews

#11. Some people who like dogs don't like cats, but I'm not like that. - Author: Viggo Mortensen

#12. Leave a door open long enough, a cat will enter. Leave food, it will stay. - Author: Jane Hirshfield

#13. It wasn't like there was a dating and mating website for bear shifters. If there had been, its mascot would have been that yellow Care Bear with the heart on its stomach. - Author: Lila Felix

#14. One time a guy handed me a picture. He said, 'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture is of you when you were younger. 'Here's a picture of me when I'm older.' 'You son of bit, how'd you pull that off Let me see that camera. What's it look like' - Author: Mitch Hedberg

#15. Love is the ultimate theme, but it's not just for women. - Author: Will Smith

#16. The worship of youth has diminished - perhaps generally - in recent years. - Author: Vince Cable

#17. Unlike many of its European neighbors, Britain shares many of America's financial traits. - Author: Robert Kiyosaki

#18. one out of every three surviving human beings on Earth is one of them. - Author: Rick Yancey

#19. There's always the tendency to transform the Church into an ethical agency, and of measuring the Church by the yardstick of social and cultural utility. - Author: Karl Lehmann

#20. A lot of times we associate Greenpeace and climate change and shrinking polar caps with heavy-handed, weighty material. It's somber stuff. But with Funny Or Die we thought we could put an interesting take on it. Make it a little more palatable, especially for young people who tune into the website. - Author: Alexander Skarsgard