Best Toilet Quotes

#1. The Pacific is the best toilet for satellites.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson

#2. People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home.

Jerry Seinfeld

#3. I always have my best thoughts on the toilet.

Charlie Day

#4. Uh, you're the fashionable expert here. I just sort of throw on things that don't have holes in them and hope for the best. I read a Cosmo onece on the toilet. Does that count?

Sara Wolf

#5. Last night was one of the best nights of my life."

"Sleeping in between the toilet an the tub on a cold, hard tile floor with a vomiting idiot was one of our best nights? That's sad, Trav.

Jamie McGuire

#6. He did have to flush the toilet though, since I hadn't gotten to that yet. I had only peed, otherwise I might have been mortified. Best friend or not, shit was still shit.

Scarlett Dawn

#7. Crap was not a bad word. It was the shortened name of the marketing genius of the best known flush toilet, John Crapper. Really.

Faith Hunter

#8. This is one of the weird things about motherhood. You can predict that some of your best moments will happen around the toilet at six am while you're holding a pile of fingernail clipping like a Santeria priestess.

Tina Fey

#9. Trust me-that toilet and me were best friends for the first few days I was here.

Alexander Gordon Smith

#10. All that matters is the worlds I can make, not this toilet-licking one I have to live in.

Jandy Nelson

#11. Taking care a white babies, that's what I do, along with all the cooking and the cleaning. I done raised seventeen kids in my lifetime. I know how to get them babies to sleep, stop crying, and go in the toilet bowl before they mamas even get out a bed in the morning.

Kathryn Stockett

#12. I'm like toilet paper, toothpaste and certain amenities - I'm proven to be good. I've still got 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years left.

Shaquille O'Neal

#13. I loved being in Trainspotting and having to dive into the filthiest toilet in Scotland.

Ewan McGregor

#14. His stream lasted so long I thought about throwing a quarter into the toilet bowl to make a wish.

Atom Yang

#15. I didn't go to high school. I think that after you learn to read and write and do your numbers and flush the toilet behind yourself, you don't need no more schoolin'. You need to get out in the water and swim.

Wilford Brimley

#16. Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia without it and then we'll talk.

Kevin Hearne

#17. And I have this little litany of things they can do. And the first one, of course, is to write - every day, no excuses. It's so easy to make excuses. Even professional writers have days when they'd rather clean the toilet than do the writing.

Octavia Butler

#18. I said a silent prayer. Actually, silent is probably the only type of prayer a guy should attempt when his head's in a toilet.

Andrew Smith

#19. Yup, the toilet is my best friend before a show.

Eric Carr

#20. At one point Malkin and one of his colleagues took Eichmann to the toilet. They waited outside. After a few minutes, Eichmann called out to Malkin, 'Darf ich anfangen?' ('May I begin?') Only when told yes did he begin to move his bowels.

The Eichmann Trial, page 17

Deborah E. Lipstadt