Top 73 Bertie Quotes: Famous Quotes & Sayings About Bertie

#1. I mean, imagine how some unfortunate Master Criminal would feel, on coming down to do a murder at the old Grange, if he found that not only was Sherlock Holmes putting in the weekend there, but Hercule Poirot, as well." ~ Bertram "Bertie" Wooster

P.G. Wodehouse

#2. What she did have were Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, Chocolate Frogs, Pumpkin Pasties, Cauldron Cakes, Licorice Wands, and a number of other strange things Harry had never seen in his life.

J.K. Rowling

#3. He looked at me like Lillian Gish coming out of a swoon.
"Is this Bertie Wooster talking?" he said, pained.
"Yes, it jolly well is!"
"Bertie, old man," said Bingo, patting me gently here and there, "reflect! We were at school - "
"Oh, all right!

P.G. Wodehouse

#4. What ho, Stinker.' 'Hallo, Bertie.' 'Long time since we met.' 'It is a bit, isn't it?' 'I hear you're a curate now.' 'Yes, that's right.' 'How are the souls?

P.G. Wodehouse

#5. Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, Chocolate Frogs, Drooble's Best Blowing Gum and Fizzing Whizzbees. There

J.K. Rowling

#6. I'm Bertie Byrd. I rent your house since you don't live here anymore." "Did you say Dirty Bird?" He laughed out loud. "Oh, that's a good one, Mr. Fortney. I never heard that one before. A real knee-slapper. Where's the key?

Dolores Wilson

#7. Jeeves, whatever his moral defects, would never go about in skirts calling me Bertie.

P.G. Wodehouse

#8. Bertie, the boys are trying to eat my boyfriend!' - Peaseblossom

Lisa Mantchev

#9. I really such a terrible mother?' she asked Bertie. 'Why the past tense?' Bertie said. Sow

Kate Atkinson

#10. Bertie, it is imperative that you marry."
"But, dash it all ... "
"Yes! You should be breeding children to ... "
"No, really, I say, please!" I said, blushing richly. Aunt Agatha belongs to two or three of these women's clubs, and she keeps forgetting she isn't in the smoking-room.

P.G. Wodehouse

#11. I am just trying to be a good, protective mother. I want to give Bertie as normal a childhood as possible while preserving his privacy.

Kate Bush

#12. Women don't have a sense of humor," Bertie said. "They don't need one. The Almighty made them as a permanent joke on men. From which one may logically deduce that the Almighty is a female.

Loretta Chase

#13. Earl had let Bertie off the porch for some fresh grass and I didn't want Dr. Eustace to see her. She still looked as though we'd put Hannibal Lecter in charge of her shearing and had hired the special effects team from Night of the Living Dead to bandage her.

Susan Juby

#14. There's a sort of wooly headed duckiness about you. If I wasn't so crazy about Marmaduke, I could really marry you Bertie.

P.G. Wodehouse

#15. A chimpanzee is not the same category as a capuchin - chimps are half-human. I need a chimp and his name is going to be Bertie.

Jonathan Dunne

#16. ... Angus had a "pretty normal childhood." Bertie had immediately mistrusted him. Nobody had a normal childhood.

Kate Atkinson

#17. What on earth are you doing in Paris?" I asked.
"Bertie, old man," said Biffy solemnly, "I came here to try and forget."
"Well, you've certainly succeeded.

P.G. Wodehouse

#18. He was the sort of languid and elegant young man one would expect to find at a country house party, playing croquet with Bertie Wooster. Frightfully good fun, but not too many brains.

Rhys Bowen

#19. And with a massive roar the fifth wall comes down and the house of fiction falls, taking Viola and Sunny and Bertie with it. They melt into thin air and disappear. Pouf!

Kate Atkinson

#20. ('Why did you have children?' Bertie asked, later in their lives. 'Was it just the biological imperative to breed?' 'That's why everyone has children,' Viola said. 'They just dress it up as something more sentimental.') Viola

Kate Atkinson

#21. His tiny, naked butt disappeared into the stream as he cried, "Wheeeee! Balls out!"
I think that's a rugby reference," Bertie said. "But don't quote me on that.

Lisa Mantchev

#22. My mom, the fabulous Bertie Kinsey, is an amazing seamstress. She quilts and sews and is so crafty. We call her the Southern Martha Stewart!

Angela Kinsey

#23. I may hold ye at arm's length ... But I want ye t' be mine an' mine alone. - Nate to Bertie, as they danced.

Lisa Mantchev

#24. No buts, Bertie. If you don't keep your promise then you'll get into serious trouble. Big time. You could go to prison, and then what? And there's God too. God watches these things and if he sees you breaking promises he can really get you. He does it all the time.

Alexander McCall Smith

#25. Her first week on the job a caller went silent in surprise on the other end of the line, expecting to hear Miss Jacobs' voice. Bertie's response: "Speak ass, 'cause the mouth won't!

Dawn Shamp

#26. Bingo Little, under the influence of romantic love or, perhaps just under the influence;..once said,'There is no love without perfect trust','Who told you that?' asked Bertie Wooster incredulously.

P.G. Wodehouse

#27. If biscuits were stories, I'd bake a pan of piping hot fables right this second. (Bertie)

Lisa Mantchev

#28. Writers just play out their fantasies in their books. They are often very unstable, tricky people, Bertie. Writers are usually very bad at real life and feel that they have to create imaginary lives to make up for it.

Alexander McCall Smith

#29. Bertie, old man," said young Bingo earnestly, "for the last two weeks I've been comforting the sick to such an extent that, if I had a brother and you brought him to me on a sick-bed at this moment, by Jove, old man, I'd heave a brick at him.

P.G. Wodehouse

#30. No, I am quite content with you, Bertie. By the way, I do dislike that name Bertie. I think I shall call you Harold. Yes, I am perfectly satisfied with you. You have many faults, of course. I shall be pointing some of them out when I am at leisure.

P.G. Wodehouse

#31. As Bertie Wooster once phrased it, they experienced some difficulty in detecting the bluebird.

Christopher Hitchens

#32. This is a theater," Bertie, annoyed by the inquisition, dropped him onto stage. Several feet of slack cable landed atop the fairy in a slithering heap.
"Oh!" Peaseblossom said. "You've buried him alive!

Lisa Mantchev

#33. And you can call me Bertie. Unexpected use of Beatrice makes me think I'm in trouble.

Lisa Mantchev

#34. You must meet old Rowbotham, Bertie. A delightful chap. Wants to massacre the bourgeoisie, sack Park Lane and disembowel the hereditary aristocracy. Well, nothing could be fairer than that, what?

P.G. Wodehouse

#35. Viola hadn't seen Sunny for nearly ten years and in the interim he had turned into a complete human being. ("Perhaps the two things aren't unrelated," Bertie said.)

Kate Atkinson

#36. Bertie's my name and flirting's my game, I've an eye for every girl. Don't give a fig! I have a little chat, then give 'em a pat,

Jacqueline Wilson

#37. Bertie opened the vial and drank the traded words down, tasting sour cherry syrup over shaved ice, bitter lemon peel, and spices that recalled a nameless sorrow.

Lisa Mantchev

#38. Bertie, do you read Tennyson?"

"Not if I can help.

P.G. Wodehouse

#39. I suppose," continued Nate, "it's not Bertie's fault that he lacks the physical stature to carry a delicate young woman such as yourself a good distance. I believe he did not care to see you within the folds of my arms which were reluctant to release you, for I thought I would never see you again...

Margie Bayer

#40. No," Bertie said, "something tragic. The most famous of all the Shakespearean tragedies-"
Mustardseed jumped up and down. "Your hair!"
"Shakespearean tragedy, Mustardseed.

Lisa Mantchev

#41. Lady Glossip: Mr. Wooster, how would you support a wife? Bertie Wooster: Well, I suppose it depends on who's wife it was, a little gentle pressure beneath the elbow while crossing a busy street usually fits the bill.

P.G. Wodehouse

#42. Say ye love me.Even if its not true, let me keep th' words.
-Nate to Bertie
Tell me you love me, at least as much as you love him.
-Ariel to Bertie

Lisa Mantchev

#43. I will be your wife, Bertie.' There didn't seem much to say to this except 'Oh, thanks.

P.G. Wodehouse

#44. I love that girl, Bertie," he went on, when he'd finished coughing.
"Yes. Nice girl, of course."
He eyed me with deep loathing.
"Don't speak of her in that horrible casual way. She's an angel. An angel!

P.G. Wodehouse

#45. I think. as a child, there's something frightening about certain adults, particularly when you're in their clutches or power. That must be the reason why Roald Dahl creates such brilliant characters: He taps into something in the collective memory of people.

Bertie Carvel

#46. Mr Brown is a politician of exceptional experience and ability, and I am sure he will discharge the office of Prime Minister with distinction

Bertie Ahern

#47. I've seen it over the years, the more intellectual they are, the more work they don't want to do. You have to do both, you have to be able to put in the graft.

Bertie Ahern

#48. I live close to Hampstead Heath, so when I do have spare time, I like to raise my white blood cell count with a swim in the men's pond. It's an ambition of mine to swim in the ponds on every day of the year.

Bertie Carvel

#49. Irene gasped. "Have you taken leave of your senses, Stuart?" she hissed. "Have you?"
Stuart closed his eyes.
"No," he said. "Au contraire." It was strong language for the Edinburgh New Town, but he had to say it.
"Don't au contraire me," said Irene.
But it was too late. He had.

Alexander McCall Smith

#50. One o' these days, lass, I'm goin' t' still that mouth o' yers. - Nate

Lisa Mantchev

#51. Actors should avoid talking about their personal lives.

Bertie Carvel

#52. Kids are no fools: they're very sophisticated, they don't miss a lot; they don't miss nuance.

Bertie Carvel

#53. Sitting on the sidelines, cribbing and moaning is a lost opportunity. I don't know how people who engage in that don't commit suicide.

Bertie Ahern

#54. I never condone wrongdoing in any area

Bertie Ahern

#55. Actors tend to be quite good at getting on with people. If you're an arsehole, people don't want to work with you. You won't get hired Well, there are a few arseholes.

Bertie Carvel

#56. I think musicals can be more than what people imagine. That'll be the case with 'Matilda.' It's such a clever thing to stage. Parents would have read this when they were young and will want to share it with their children because they have such a fondness for the source.

Bertie Carvel

#57. The most amazing thing you can ask for as an actor from a director is that you're being seen, that the choices made are informed.

Bertie Carvel

#58. The only reason I'm friends with any of you is because I outgrew the von Trapps, one annoying Austrian at a time.

Lisa Mantchev

#59. Acting is a mysterious process.

Bertie Carvel

#60. Feminine psychology is admittedly odd, sir. The poet Pope ... "
"Never mind about the poet Pope, Jeeves."
"No, sir."
"There are times when one wants to hear all about the poet Pope and times when one doesn't."
"Very true, sir.

P.G. Wodehouse

#61. I came to musical theatre from straight acting, and a lot of my friends have a real prejudice about musical theatre - one I probably shared.

Bertie Carvel

#62. It might sound glib, but in a sense, as an actor I'm a journalist and a psychologist recording life and truth.

Bertie Carvel

#63. If you don't have any weird moments, you're weird

Bertie Gilbert

#64. Some people dye their hair yellow or put rings in their noses

Bertie Ahern

#65. The public are entitled to have an absolute guarantee of the financial probity and integrity of their elected representatives, their officials and above all of Ministers. They need to know that they are under financial obligations to nobody.

Bertie Ahern

#66. I'm a socialist. I'm amazed at how the spirit of socialism is alive and well in New York. I had always thought I wouldn't want to be here without a lot of money, but I was wrong about that.

Bertie Carvel

#67. Providence looks after all the chumps of this world, and personally, I'm all for it.

P.G. Wodehouse

#68. I get so carried away in interviews and deliver 1,500-word treatises, then find it's been reduced to something pithier but also not quite accurate. Although I imagine there are people I work with who wish they could edit me every day.

Bertie Carvel