Alan Zweibel Quotes

#1. Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in the world. He might be even funnier when he's naked, but I'm afraid to find out.

Dave Barry

#2. Reading Alan Zweibel makes me laugh out loud. And yet it is not a particularly funny name.

Eric Idle

#3. I've known Alan Zweibel since 1975, and I've always had this sneaking suspicion that he might possess a sense of humor. After reading CLOTHING OPTIONAL, I'm almost sure he does.

Rob Reiner

#4. I've had a bris, was Bar Mitzvahed and, on occasion, have referred to a temple as a shul. I've never denied it, nor have I disguised it. I am, indeed, a Jew.

Alan Zweibel

#5. I've been very lucky. I've written for most of my idols and the contemporaries.

Alan Zweibel

#6. You - you were like me. You were a child. A normal child. And that was taken from you."

"Does that bother you?"

"Well, it certainly makes you harder to hate.

Sabaa Tahir

#7. I have often thought that poetry is a way to name loss, but it cannot accompany one on the journey of loss.

Helen Humphreys

#8. With any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now.

Jeffrey R. Holland

#9. I write. This is what I do. My job is to sit down with my vocabulary, select words, and decide what order they should be placed in an attempt to keep someone's attention and perhaps provide them with a laugh or two along the way.

Alan Zweibel

#10. Writers are lucky. Whatever the mood, no matter the longing, the writer can use his words to connect himself to any world he wishes to visit.

Alan Zweibel

#11. I would like to be someone like Steve Martin. That's the path I'd like to follow.

Carrot Top

#12. Consider the true picture. Think of myriads of tiny bubbles, very sparsely scattered, rising through a vast black sea. We rule some of the bubbles. Of the waters we know nothing ...

Larry Niven

#13. I wasn't a class clown, I just found at an early age that I was able to make people laugh. So I mostly wrote funny stuff instead of writing what I was supposed to be writing.

Alan Zweibel

#14. I experimented with my own one-man show a couple of years ago in Aspen when HBO used to have their comedy festival there. I called it 'A History of Me.'

Alan Zweibel

#15. Writers are born, not made. We can hone the craft. We need to try to encourage someone and make a dialogue, suggesting ways to do something differently or how to improve.

Alan Zweibel

#16. Let us urge on every one who exhibits new interest in religion to be content with nothing short of the deep, solid, sanctifying work of the Holy Ghost.

J.C. Ryle

#17. It's an intangible thing, this thing we call talent, especially if we're in a position to teach and mentor others.

Alan Zweibel

#18. I am not an actor. Yes, every so often I appear on talk shows to promote something I've written, and I enjoy doing so because I have a lot of stories to tell, and I like making audiences laugh. But that's not acting. That's just me being me.

Alan Zweibel

#19. I haven't written a brochure yet. It's killing me. I know I have a brochure or pamphlet in me yet.

Alan Zweibel

#20. I've been writing for people long enough to know that it has got to feel comfortable coming out of their mouths, especially when you're doing something that is first person and is so near and dear to you.

Alan Zweibel

#21. Secure the radius!

Alan Zweibel

#22. My job is to put words together and tell a story. If that doesn't work for you, it's not a war crime.

Alan Zweibel

#23. Whether it's an innate ability or an acquired way of regarding the world around us, being labeled as funny can only be accepted as a compliment.

Alan Zweibel

#24. Thwackum was for doing justice, and leaving mercy to heaven.

Henry Fielding

#25. I don't listen to music made by white people. I especially hate anything where a guitar is used. I don't listen to white people and guitars.

Harmony Korine

#26. Lust fades, so you'd better be with someone who can stand you.

Alan Zweibel