Top 100 Wanda Sykes Quotes
#1. If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.
Wanda Sykes
#2. I'm a black, gay woman. I think the only way to make the GOP hate me more is if I sent them a video of me rolling around on a pile of welfare checks.
Wanda Sykes
#3. Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it.
Wanda Sykes
#4. I have a well-balanced show. It's 50/50 on men/women, and also African-American/white writers, it's the same thing. I have four African-American writers, and four non-African-American writers.
Wanda Sykes
#5. I'm going to leave The Wanda Sykes Show and try to get her job because $5 million ain't too bad!
Wanda Sykes
#6. But sometimes the women writers will pitch something and I'll hear it, but the men will keep talking.
Wanda Sykes
#7. All these teenagers tell us how much they want to grow up and then when they do they want to be young again.
Wanda Sykes
#8. I know every time I fly, I get checked twice: they stop me at security, and then, they get me again at the gate. And last time, it was so bad, they actually made me go through the machine with the luggage.
Wanda Sykes
#9. I'm always thinking of stuff; I just don't sit down and write it. I come up with material more as I go along; if something funny happens, I'll make a note of it on my phone.
Wanda Sykes
#10. Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do.
Wanda Sykes
#11. It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.
Wanda Sykes
#12. I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.
Wanda Sykes
#13. Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.
Wanda Sykes
#14. Some black people want to get in touch with their African roots. But then you got some black people that just don't give a damn. You tell them, 'Hey, I just got back from the motherland.' They're like, 'Where'd you go - Detroit? Did you see The Temptations?'
Wanda Sykes
#15. I don't understand why people really get upset about something that doesn't affect them at all.
Wanda Sykes
#16. Whatever I talk about is what I'm interested in at the time. Politics are big with me. But being a mom is taking up most of my time. My act is more family-oriented than it is about politics.
Wanda Sykes
#17. I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.
Wanda Sykes
#18. What gets me is when celebrities aren't allowed to have an opinion on anything political. There's the whole 'Shut up and sing' thing.
Wanda Sykes
#19. Since when did I become the spokesperson for nappy-headed hos?
Wanda Sykes
#20. You know what, I think maybe it's because men like to fart, and the host wants to be able to sit in his writers' room and just pass gas freely. Me, I'm a lady. I'm dainty. I know to get up and leave the room and go to my office.
Wanda Sykes
#21. I felt like I was being attacked, personally attacked - our community was attacked. Now, I gotta get in their face. I'm proud to be a woman. I'm proud to be a black woman. And I'm proud to be gay.
Wanda Sykes
#22. You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.
Wanda Sykes
#23. With a black president, I can relax ... I can dance in public ... I can buy a whole watermelon now.
Wanda Sykes
#24. I think the worst one [indian mascot] is the Cleveland Indians' Big Chief Wahoo. It's just a red face on a baseball with a big, toothy grin. It's the Sambo of all other offensive mascots. I have never seen a Native American smile that hard before, not even at a casino opening.
Wanda Sykes
#25. Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal.
Wanda Sykes
#26. When my parents send me emails the first 3 are blank.
Wanda Sykes
#27. When I'm not on T.V. or working on a movie, I'm on the road doing stand-up. That's my roots.
Wanda Sykes
#28. Now, I think the people who are still doing stand-up are doing it because they love stand-up.
Wanda Sykes
#30. A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.
Wanda Sykes
#31. When I am outside at night by myself every person turns into a pedophile. So I tend to walk a little faster than usual and then I sprint.
Wanda Sykes
#32. Should I talk about [having breast cancer]? Because how many things could I have? You know black, lesbian - I'm like, I can't be the poster child for everything. At least with the LGBT issues we get a parade and a float and it's a party.
Wanda Sykes
#33. I watch Jay. I watch 'Letterman'. I flip back and forth between 'Conan' and 'Letterman', especially the top of the show for those guys.
Wanda Sykes
#34. Whether you have a show or not, you can still be somewhere being funny.
Wanda Sykes
#35. I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it and never turned back.
Wanda Sykes
#36. To me, political office should be like jury duty. You should just get a notice in mail one day and be like, I'm Secretary of State next month!
Wanda Sykes
#37. White criminals commit the biggest crimes.a brother might rob a bank. a white man will rob a pension fund. the brother is going to get ten to fifteen years because he had a gun. the white guy is going to get a congressional hearing because he had a job and a nice suit.
Wanda Sykes
#38. Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.
Wanda Sykes
#39. If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.
Wanda Sykes
#40. But I understand that relationship; I understand how the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship has so many conflicts because it's so forced.
Wanda Sykes
#41. I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real.
Wanda Sykes
#42. There are just so many more laws and rules that apply with marriage that do not come with domestic partnership and also to me it's the commitment.
Wanda Sykes
#43. My neighbor, she invited me to an Elvis party. I told her I couldn't come 'cause I'd be too busy making fun of her from behind my blinds.
Wanda Sykes
#44. And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.
Wanda Sykes
#45. Writers get to stay with the piece. They don't just turn the script in and somebody else takes it over and goes out and produces it and edits it and all that stuff. We stay with the piece all the way through.
Wanda Sykes
#46. I have problems with YouTube and things like that, when you catch it mid production. If I'm doing a show and I'm working on a bit and someone's there with a phone, they record it and put it online - it's not the finished product.
Wanda Sykes
#47. I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.
Wanda Sykes
#48. Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker. I hope his kidneys fail.
Wanda Sykes
#50. I'm like, If you do something dumb, I'll write about it. If you put something out there, to me it's like you're kind of asking for it.
Wanda Sykes
#51. What drives the creative person is that we see it all.
Wanda Sykes
#52. In '87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression.
Wanda Sykes
#53. I really can't pinpoint the one moment when I said I want to be a comic.
Wanda Sykes
#54. We never hid anything from the kids. I feel whole again, I really do. I've told them, 'Mommy's boo-boo is much better now.'
Wanda Sykes
#55. The first time onstage, a light went on. 'OK, this is my thing. I'm comfortable here. This is my thing.'
Wanda Sykes
#56. I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up.
Wanda Sykes
#57. It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.
Wanda Sykes
#58. Why don't you marry another gay guy? That was fun...
Wanda Sykes
#59. As soon as you say 'I do,' you'll discover that marriage is like a car. Both of you might be sitting in the front seat, but only one of you is driving. And most marriages are more like a motorcycle than a car. Somebody has to sit in the back, and you have to yell just to be heard.
Wanda Sykes
#60. I always had one goal, and that was to be a real funny stand-up comic, and that's pretty much what I'm doing. And everything else is kind of like gravy - TV, movies.
Wanda Sykes
#61. I always want to go back and do stand-up; I like the freedom.
Wanda Sykes
#62. I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy.
Wanda Sykes
#63. It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.
Wanda Sykes
#64. Lot Of Strip Clubs in Florida ... Good grief ... Florida has so many strip clubs, they need to change their state flag to a brass pole.
Wanda Sykes
#65. I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Wanda Sykes
#66. Sometimes black people really want to hold onto our oppression - 'This is ours! This belongs to us.' You can't just talk about equality for somebody else. Let's pass it on. Let's pass it on to somebody else. At the end of the day, it is all about inequality.
Wanda Sykes
#67. My worlds collide. When one things happens, it just starts a domino effect - everything else goes on.
Wanda Sykes
#68. L.A. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking.
Wanda Sykes
#69. It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.
Wanda Sykes
#70. I'm finally just relaxed and comfortable with who I am.
Wanda Sykes
#71. I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a waterboarding, that's what he needs.
Wanda Sykes
#72. I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun.
Wanda Sykes
#73. Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science.
Wanda Sykes
#74. I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.
Wanda Sykes
#75. It's not until you develop your own voice, your own persona onstage that you become your own comic, who you really are.
Wanda Sykes
#76. Yeah, I had top-secret clearance and everything.
Wanda Sykes
#77. People say, 'Well don't you regret not having kids?' And I go, 'No, not really.' And then if they keep asking, I always say this, 'Well, you know, maybe I'll adopt.' But I don't mean that. It's just something I say to make me sound like a nicer person.
Wanda Sykes
#78. When my wife and I leave California, I want to have my marriage recognized in Nevada, Arizona, all the way to New York. How can you stop people from loving each other? How can you get upset about loving?
Wanda Sykes
#79. I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.
Wanda Sykes
#80. The government shouldn't be involved in this because it's very simple. If you don't believe in same-sex marriage, then don't marry somebody of the same sex.
Wanda Sykes
#81. I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place.
Wanda Sykes
#82. If I did a talk show, this would allow me to speak on what's happening at that moment. I can be current, and I get to flex my stand-up muscle but stay at home without doing the traveling.
Wanda Sykes
#83. Ok so there's no TV shows, no movies going on fine, but I love going on stage and performing stand up so my situation is a little better than someone who's strictly just an actor or actress.
Wanda Sykes
#84. But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that.
Wanda Sykes
#85. Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.
Wanda Sykes
#86. Once you start making money, you can be an ass. But I am not an ass. I'm too lazy, that takes a lot of energy.
Wanda Sykes
#87. I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing.
Wanda Sykes
#88. I'm shy. I am. I mean, if I get around, you know, in a room of a bunch of people especially I - you know, I don't know or - it takes me a while to warm up. I'm - and the real me, I'm not as witty as, you know, as the comic Wanda. The comic, she's had time to work on some things.
Wanda Sykes
#89. I feel today's society is so judgmental.
Wanda Sykes
#90. I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me.
Wanda Sykes
#91. Good comics stick around. There are people who have TV shows that might be successful, but comics can't really fake it. If you say, 'Hey, I love what you guys are doing - you're funny,' then you're in. It's legit.
Wanda Sykes
#92. Men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal.
Wanda Sykes
#93. Being gay is harder than being black. I didn't have to come out black. I didn't have to tell my parents about what its like to be black.
Wanda Sykes
#94. I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too.
Wanda Sykes
#95. I had top-secret clearance and everything. I was working on a couple of projects that would keep me involved in Desert Storm. I was in the mix, which is scary.
Wanda Sykes
#96. I'm here today because I hated everything else.
Wanda Sykes
#97. You can't make a woman happy. That's like trying to cure a fatal disease. The goal is to treat the symptoms so you can comfortably live with the illness.
Wanda Sykes
#98. I'm a comedian so I'm not waiting around for someone to write a part for me. I don't have to wait for somebody else to create my next job; I have the ability to basically write my own ticket.
Wanda Sykes
#99. I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I've never found any strange panties in my dog's house.
Wanda Sykes
#100. That word sassy - it haunts me. I keep getting the sassy thing.
Wanda Sykes
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