Sterling Archer Quotes

#1. They say stress is the silent killer. But poison darts are also pretty damn quiet.

Sterling Archer

#2. No, it's not [a book] Lana. It's an allegorical novella about Stalinism by George Orwell, and spoiler alert, IT SUCKS.

Sterling Archer

#3. Did I make you spend so much time at the office? Did I make you play three rounds of golf last weekend? Answer: No, I didn't. I was too busy pinning your wife's ankles to her ears.

Sterling Archer

#4. Memoirs? No, we want a how-to book. For spies." "A how-to book?! A book can't teach someone how to be equal parts deadly and sexy! That's like asking a cobra to write a book about how to be a cobra!

Sterling Archer

#5. Seriously, did I miss something? Did John F. Kennedy walk into the Oval Office one day, only to find Fidel Castro lighting his Cohiba with the American flag while teabagging Jackie?

Sterling Archer

#6. If I wanted to work hard, I'd be a farmer.

Sterling Archer

#7. And if whatever you're shooting doesn't die after you pump eight thirty-two-caliber slugs into it, it's probably a dragon.

Sterling Archer

#8. I'm pretty sure if I stopped drinking for even one day, the accumulated hangover would probably kill me.

Sterling Archer