Sam Ewing Quotes

#1. Highways are full of careless drivers who are always too close in front of you.

Sam Ewing

#2. There's no thief like a bad movie.

Sam Ewing

#3. The brain is like a TV set; when it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.

Sam Ewing

#4. Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

Sam Ewing

#5. Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.

Sam Ewing

#6. Half of all home accidents happen in the kitchen, and the family has to eat them.

Sam Ewing

#7. The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.

Sam Ewing

#8. If we are what we eat, why aren't we new, improved, fat-free, and light.

Sam Ewing

#9. When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

Sam Ewing

#10. Don't drive as if you own the road; drive as if you own the car.

Sam Ewing

#11. Many trees could be saved if the government stopped printing tax forms.

Sam Ewing

#12. As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.

Sam Ewing

#13. Parents who wonder where the younger generation is going should remember where it came from.

Sam Ewing

#14. Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.

Sam Ewing

#15. The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor.

Sam Ewing

#16. It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.

Sam Ewing

#17. In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.

Sam Ewing

#18. Nobody's too fat - they're just too short.

Sam Ewing

#19. Some people are much like blisters-they don't show up until the work is done.

Sam Ewing

#20. Two things help to keep one's job. First, let the boss think he's having his own way. Second, let him have it.

Sam Ewing

#21. Ever notice that nothing changes the color of paint like putting it on a wall?

Sam Ewing

#22. We are all born into the world with nothing. Everything we acquire after that is profit.

Sam Ewing

#23. Youth is when you think you'll live forever. Old age is when you wonder how you've lived so long.

Sam Ewing

#24. Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

Sam Ewing

#25. A neighbor will stand at your door talking for 20 minutes because she doesn't have time to come in.

Sam Ewing

#26. If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.

Sam Ewing

#27. President Herbert Hoover returned his salary to the government. His idea caught on, and now we're all doing it.

Sam Ewing

#28. The reason that so many of us cannot save money is because of our friends. They're always buying something we can't afford.

Sam Ewing

#29. Success is when your name is in everything but the telephone directory.

Sam Ewing

#30. "Tell me, doctor, " said the patient, "when I stand on my head, the blood rushes to it. Why doesn't it rush to my feet now?" "That's because your feet aren't empty," said the doctor.

Sam Ewing

#31. Fashions come and fashions go, but pockets are usually the same. There's little change in them.

Sam Ewing

#32. Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in.

Sam Ewing

#33. The sight of home looks best after you've traveled hundreds of miles to get away from it.

Sam Ewing

#34. On every commercial flight, the traveler is told, "Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device". The question is, why doesn't the plane just become a boat?

Sam Ewing

#35. When a husband says, "I run things in my home" he may mean the washing machine, the dishwasher and the vacuum cleaner.

Sam Ewing

#36. Wouldn't you like to weigh what it says on your driver's license?

Sam Ewing

#37. Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf.

Sam Ewing

#38. Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

Sam Ewing

#39. A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Sam Ewing

#40. An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.

Sam Ewing

#41. The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.

Sam Ewing

#42. Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.

Sam Ewing

#43. If you lend someone 20 dollars and never see that person again, it's probably worth it.

Sam Ewing

#44. A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.

Sam Ewing

#45. Vacation: Two weeks on the sunny sands - and the rest of the year on the financial rocks.

Sam Ewing

#46. I try to figure my adjusted gross income, but no matter how I figure it, it's still gross.

Sam Ewing

#47. On the plains of hesitation bleach the bones of countless millions who, at the dawn of decision, sat down to wait, and waiting died.

Sam Ewing

#48. Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

Sam Ewing

#49. Nothing in the world can replace the modern swimsuit, and it practically has.

Sam Ewing

#50. When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

Sam Ewing

#51. Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career.

Sam Ewing