Top 51 Robyn Peterman Quotes
#1. Out," I instructed as I began peeling my clothes from my body. "I am going to pee for twenty-seven minutes, and then I'm going to shower for forty-two minutes, followed by scrubbing my teeth for sixty-one minutes.
Robyn Peterman
#2. When you die, the only things you leave behind are memories in the minds of those who loved you. That was how you lived on.
Robyn Peterman
#3. I'm playing Soda Candy Crush. I'm on level 660 and I found a way to cheat to get more lives. Besides, it's getting boring here," Satan replied.
Robyn Peterman
#4. I was amazing," Dwayne squealed triumphantly as he landed gracefully in the middle of the room. "I did the meld and they bubbled and turned a lovely bluish-orange-green and then BOOM! The sound was incredible. Absolutely fabulous - like fornicating cats and Madonna.
Robyn Peterman
#5. I figured since I'd arrived in Crazytown, I may as well take off my coat and stay a while.
Robyn Peterman
#6. Hanks grin almost sent me into meltdown. The kind where I killed him, but first I would stick my tongue down his throat and ride him till he was blind.
Robyn Peterman
#7. Is your name even David?' I asked as I yanked my panties back on.
'Is yours Melanie?' he inquired, buttoning his jeans.
'I asked first,' I countered, wondering for the umpteenth time why being an idiot came so easily to me.
Robyn Peterman
#8. Will you guys by okay?" I asked granny and BFF.
"Oh, hell yeah. We're gonna play Twister and then try on wigs and girdles," Granny informed us.
Robyn Peterman
#9. God lets people out to play poker?" This was too much for even me to believe and I was a Vampyre. A myth . . .
Robyn Peterman
#10. Why should it?" I shrugged. "I'm a Demon Princess, my father is Satan, most of my sisters are raging sluts, I have an invisible friend named Blanche and I've been in therapy for what feels like half of my life because I'm not evil enough. I'm not sure I'm such a great catch either.
Robyn Peterman
#11. I'd never read a romance novel about conjoined twins. It was a huge market that had never been tapped. I had just come up with the new Twilight,
Robyn Peterman
#12. She crossed her toothpick legs, and I realized with sickening clarity that she was going commando.
Robyn Peterman
#13. If you puke in my room, I will make you eat it. Do you understand me?
Robyn Peterman
#14. Her eyes narrowed, but she wasn't yelling.
I think she liked me ... kind of. The way a mother would like an annoying spastic two year old who belonged to someone else.
Robyn Peterman
#15. It took a lot to render me silent, like learning my grandma had been a stripper in her youth, and that all male Werewolves were hung like horses ... but this was horrific.
Robyn Peterman
#17. Crazy didn't just run in my family ... it stopped and strolled and hung out.
Robyn Peterman
#18. Anyone who discounts you is a dumbass," I muttered as the golf cart jerked forward.
"And are you a dumbass?" the Pigeon inquired as she peeked under the tarp.
"Absolutely not ... I'm a smartass.
Robyn Peterman
#20. What is she?" I asked him. He paused and considered my question. "She's a bitch. A horrible, horrible bitch." He looked down at her and laughed. "But she's my bitch.
Robyn Peterman
#21. Sammy is Upoopia!" my baby shouted and clapped his hands, instantly bringing all the furniture in the room to life. Couches and chairs upended their occupants and began to dance around the room recklessly.
"Outstanding," Satan yelled as he tangoed with a chaise. "My great nephew is tremendous".
Robyn Peterman
#22. Do you mind if we leave here so I can chain smoke 'til I throw up so it will be easier to quit?
Robyn Peterman
#23. The Vampyres were loosey goosey, the Witches were nuts and the freakin' Fairies were downright pushovers, but not the Weres. Nope, if you enlisted you were in for life.
Robyn Peterman
#24. What in the hell are you digging for?" "The seat belt." "Oh." She shrugged guiltily. "I cut them out. Everybody's doing it.
Robyn Peterman
#25. It occurred to me that might not be the best of ideas, but desperate times led to stupid measures.
Robyn Peterman
#26. The outside often ends up being a manifestation of what lies within.
Robyn Peterman
#28. He said they've literally set up a camp across the street from the hotel and they have signs and bullhorns and the kind of Christian attitude that makes God puke.
Robyn Peterman
#29. We need to pull over now," she screeched as she gagged. "Paper is not supposed to be made out of poop.
Robyn Peterman
#30. I was just pissy and bored and horny and lonely. It was a bad combination. Bad.
Robyn Peterman
#31. I was speechless. Rare for me, but if anyone was capable of shocking me to silence, it was my mother.
Robyn Peterman
#32. Hooters McHoulihan, let's get the fuck out of here. This G-string is so far up my ass, it's making my brain hurt, Jane grumbled
Robyn Peterman
#33. Life happens whether we are ready or not - the only choice or control we have is whether or not we will rise to meet its challenges.
Robyn Peterman
#34. Then I will skin it and suck all the blood out of it unless it's a Troll. Trolls taste like ass. We tried two of the randy bastards just to make sure and we will not be imbibing Troll again any time soon,
Robyn Peterman
#35. Hear it smells like road kill in ninety degree weather on that side of the building,
Robyn Peterman
#36. I opened my mouth and projectile-vomited on her from head to toe. The more I retched, the more I had to retch. It was a disgusting self-fulfilling prophecy. Her howls and screeches were music to my indebted ears. Her hair was covered and her net top held my gift beautifully.
Robyn Peterman
#37. He was so delighted when I bested him that he slapped me on the back and sent me flying into a tree, which I knocked down. It was a hundred year old oak.
Robyn Peterman
#38. Jumping up and down like a Mexican jumping bean on crack.
Robyn Peterman
#39. I love you, Essie. Before you came into my life, I had considered ending myself. Three hundred years is a long time to be alone. You've given me hope, a career as a drag queen and a dysfunctional family. I am supremely grateful. Bite me." And
Robyn Peterman
#40. You're my BFF and I would shred someone's skin from their body and shove their bones down their dead ass throat for you.
Robyn Peterman
#41. For the love of everything evil," Satan yelled and threw his hands in the air. "What's this crap about everyone doubting me? This is not good for my ego. I'm the fucking Devil - the King
Robyn Peterman
#43. Do you think five babysitters will be sufficient?" Ethan inquired sardonically.
"No, but I'm willing to leave the compound without panties if we can make that happen."
"I'm on it," he said as he quickly began texting our gaggle of sitters
Robyn Peterman
#44. Do Dragons eat Mexican?" Hank wondered out loud.
"Dude, they eat people. Mexican is a vast improvement over people.
Robyn Peterman
#45. It takes a while for the heat to work in this piece of shit, but when it kicks in, you'll sweat like a fat whore at confession.
Robyn Peterman
#46. I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and slammed it shut. I shouldn't have come. I should have waited outside for Jack, told him my family had leprosy, and sent him on his merry way. After I boinked him in my new car.
Robyn Peterman
#47. Samuel," I said sternly. "You just said some really shitty words. We do not fucking speak like that in this house. Do you understand Mommy?" Samuel giggled hysterically and flipped
Robyn Peterman
#48. And you're on crack. I'm a witch and you're a wolf. I was not built to blow puppies out of my hooha." His
Robyn Peterman
#49. That will be fine," Ethan muttered. "Now breathe through the pain." "Come over here," she grunted. "I'll show you how to breathe through my fist.
Robyn Peterman
#51. Oookay, that was seriously confusing, especially the part about the Warrior Prince being a taco stand, I laughed, trying to thaw the icy chill in the room.
Robyn Peterman
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