Matt Roper Quotes

#1. I've spent so much of my adult life in relationships that it's actually quite pleasant to be alone at last. I turned thirty-six the other day, which staggers me when I think about it.

Matt Roper

#2. Milk which is just about to turn is akin to that moment spent on the cusp of failure in a dulled and fettered relationship.

Matt Roper

#3. I'm the worst ad anyone could possibly be for abstaining from anything.

Matt Roper

#4. I like a decent funeral, and God knows in my family we've seen enough of them. Looking through family photographs now is like watching an episode of 'Dad's Army.'

Matt Roper

#5. We must remember to enjoy ourselves.

Matt Roper

#6. I once knew a girl who didn't know where anywhere was in the world. Not a clue. I asked her if she knew where Africa was and she answered, 'Is it the orange one on a map?'

Matt Roper

#7. I can't abide small talk.

Matt Roper

#8. Seven thirty in the morning is too early for a man of my standing.

Matt Roper

#9. I have two vintage typewriters. One just about works and the other hasn't a hope in hell, bless it. But they're both beautiful, and they'll stay with me just as long as there's a roof over my head.

Matt Roper

#10. If comedians were truly free of repression, there would not be an inherent need to perform for the love of a roomful of total strangers.

Matt Roper

#11. I want truth. I'm crying out to hear it. I need it like oxygen.

Matt Roper

#12. Here I sit, beneath the large window of a first-floor Georgian flat, exploring the corridors of my sordid imagination for comedic words of beauty.

Matt Roper

#13. Looking through family photographs now is like watching an episode of 'Dad's Army.' My relatives seem to drop like flies around me. Who's next? Will it be someone I can't stand?

Matt Roper

#14. I'm a Taurus, you know. A bull. I belong in a field.

Matt Roper