John M. Gottman Quotes

#1. Admit when you're wrong. Shut up when you're right.

John M. Gottman

#2. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

John M. Gottman

#3. Gay and lesbian relationships operate on essentially the same principles as heterosexual relationships

John M. Gottman

#4. Which scientific puzzle confounds the genius of Hawking? "Women," he said. "They are a complete mystery.

John M. Gottman

#5. In a good relationship, people get angry, but in a very different way. The Marriage Masters see a problem a bit like a soccer ball. They kick it around. It's 'our' problem.

John M. Gottman

#6. Marriages are much more likely to succeed when the couple experiences a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions whereas when the ratio approaches 1 to 1, marriages are more likely to end in divorce.

John M. Gottman

#7. I liken an affair to the shattering of a Waterford crystal vase. You can glue it back together, but it will never be the same again.

John M. Gottman

#8. In order to get to a healthier and more productive place, we need to give up our fear of conflict, turmoil and resistance.

John M. Gottman

#9. Thus, the critical dimension in understanding whether a marriage will work or not, becomes the extent to which the male can accept the influence of the woman he loves and become socialized in emotional communication.

John M. Gottman

#10. A hallmark of domestic violence is a man feeling threatened by a woman's friends and attempting to control or limit a woman's social contacts, or to isolate her socially.

John M. Gottman

#11. We move in response to our conversation partner's face, and our brain also fires as we move those muscles and stirs the passions. Paralyzing the face is idiotic.

John M. Gottman

#12. When a couple gets to the last stage, one or both partners may have an affair. But an affair is usually a symptom of a dying marriage, not the cause. The end of that marriage could have been predicted long before either spouse strayed.

John M. Gottman

#13. Bid for connection: Each of our daily interactions with another person.

John M. Gottman

#14. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse predict an ailing marriage: Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling and Contempt. The worst of these is contempt.

John M. Gottman

#15. I believe we're going to find that respect and affection are essential to all relationships working and contempt destroys them.

John M. Gottman

#16. news flash: Men, you have the power to make or break a relationship.

John M. Gottman