Joe Rogan Quotes

#1. The sensory deprivation chamber has been the most important tool that I've ever used for developing my mind

Joe Rogan

#2. The key to happiness doesn't lay in numbers in a bank account but in the way we make others feel.

Joe Rogan

#3. There's a never-ending ocean of techniques out there.

Joe Rogan

#4. I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them.

Joe Rogan

#5. Well you see, Brazilian JiuJitsu Blackbelts have a blackbelt in ... Brazilian JiuJitsu

Joe Rogan

#6. I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.

Joe Rogan

#7. I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig.

Joe Rogan

#8. Most of my bits are long stream-of-consciousness- type things, and when I'm doing them onstage, other places to take the theme or idea will hit me, and I just go with it.

Joe Rogan

#9. Live your life like you're the hero in your movie.

Joe Rogan

#10. I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you're sparring or drilling techniques, you can't think of anything else.

Joe Rogan

#11. The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.

Joe Rogan

#12. That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

Joe Rogan

#13. I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me.

Joe Rogan

#14. So instead of investing your time in a passion, you've sold your life to work for an uncaring machine that doesn't understand you. That's the problem with our society. And what's the reward? Go home and get a big TV.

Joe Rogan

#15. One of the great things about Houston is that they police themselves. It's the way Boston was in the '80s. No hacks or thieves are tolerated in the community, and that's HUGE.

Joe Rogan

#16. People say you can abuse marijuana. You can abuse cheeseburgers. Does that mean we should close Burger Kings.

Joe Rogan

#17. The best way to pursue any discipline is the martial art way.

Joe Rogan

#18. When a ball goes into a net it only means something because we decided it means something. When somebody punches somebody in the face it always means something.

Joe Rogan

#19. If life wasn't real it would be the craziest psychedelic trip ever

Joe Rogan

#20. So many times I've done a CD, and then the week after I record it, I've got this new tagline that's killer. And it makes the whole bit better. It happens all the time. But that's just the process of comedy.

Joe Rogan

#21. In order to be truly great at something you have to give into a certain amount of madness.

Joe Rogan

#22. I do cagefight commentary in my spare time.

Joe Rogan

#23. If I could make the same amount of money doing standup it would be no contest. The problem is that if you do make that kind of money doing standup, it's not in clubs, it's in big auditoriums and large venues, and I really think something is lost when you do standup for a big crowd.

Joe Rogan

#24. We have to start treating each other as if we are treating ourselves living another life.

Joe Rogan

#25. The Comedy Store in LA, it's a really loose room and it's really dark and creepy and a great place to explore your own thoughts onstage.

Joe Rogan

#26. Build confidence and momentum with each good decision you make from here on out and choose to be inspired.

Joe Rogan

#27. Kindness is one of the best gifts you can bestow ... We know that inherently that feels great.

Joe Rogan

#28. A lot of times, you beat a person who beat a person who can beat you. I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

Joe Rogan

#29. On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed.

Joe Rogan

#30. If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.

Joe Rogan

#31. I really never thought people would think that I was funny, I thought (my friends) thought I was funny because I was their friend, but other people would just think I was an asshole. I was at least partly right.

Joe Rogan

#32. It's impossible to measure the type of mental strength and determination that's required to be an elite wrestler.

Joe Rogan

#33. My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.

Joe Rogan

#34. We live in a society that makes it really easy for these pussies to get by.

Joe Rogan

#35. Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.

Joe Rogan

#36. Omigawa is moving forward like a karate robot

Joe Rogan

#37. Choose To Be Inspired.

Joe Rogan

#38. Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick.

Joe Rogan

#39. There's a confidence and a mental toughness that comes from the very highest level of competition, whatever the sport is. Whether it's boxing or wrestling, or whatever.

Joe Rogan

#40. When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it.

Joe Rogan

#41. The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.

Joe Rogan

#42. You could smell my ass from mars.

Joe Rogan

#43. Stand-up is still my favorite, but the podcast is a close second. It's so fun, and it's given me the opportunity to have three-hour conversations with people I wouldn't have otherwise been able to talk to. When I talked to Maynard Keenan from Tool, I almost couldn't believe it was happening.

Joe Rogan

#44. I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking.

Joe Rogan

#45. Having the privilege of sitting down and having 3 hour long uninterrupted conversations with hundreds of brilliant people is an awesome perspective enhancer.

Joe Rogan

#46. I don't really like actors. Actors are like terrible comedians with no punch lines. It's all about them. They talk about themselves all the time. They bore the sh - t out of you.

Joe Rogan

#47. When you snatch little pieces of other people's lives and try to palm them off as your own, that's more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago.

Joe Rogan

#48. Faith itself is a horrible mechanism that stunts the growth of ideas. It also stunts the act of questioning, and it does this by pushing the idea that you have to have faith - and that nothing has to be proven.

Joe Rogan

#49. Aspire to be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid.

Joe Rogan

#50. Richard Pryor is, in my mind, the most honest comedian. He bared his soul to people. I think that's why everybody loved him so much.

Joe Rogan

#51. A unicorn is a donkey from the future

Joe Rogan

#52. Excellence in anything increases your potential in everything.

Joe Rogan

#53. If you haven't peed the bed, you haven't taken enough chances.

Joe Rogan

#54. I never want to compromise my act just to get a laugh.

Joe Rogan

#55. I'm a nightclub comic. That's what I do. I work in the clubs uncensored because my mind is uncensored, and those are the thoughts that I have. I do the kind of comedy that I would enjoy seeing.

Joe Rogan

#56. I read the things that scientists have figured out, and apply what they say is beneficial, but at the end of the day I'm the wrong person to get unchallenged nutritional advice from.

Joe Rogan

#57. If I could, I would live in Houston, and I would encourage any comic starting out looking for a good place to develop to move there.

Joe Rogan

#58. Be the hero of your own story.

Joe Rogan

#59. It never hurt Lenny Bruce's career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in.

Joe Rogan

#60. Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for a few years.

Joe Rogan

#61. Prison is for rapists, thieves, and murderers. If you lock someone up for smoking a plant that makes them happy, then you're the fucking criminal.

Joe Rogan

#62. There's only 2 reasons that you hate gay marriage;
1. You're dumb, or 2. You're secretly worried that dicks are delicious.

Joe Rogan

#63. Someone else's success does not equal a failure for you.

Joe Rogan

#64. It's been one of the most important tools for me in personal growth for understanding myself, how I am, and what effect I do have on other people.

Joe Rogan

#65. People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it.

Joe Rogan

#66. Every single religion that has ever been on the face of the Earth, ever, is a cult. That's all they are.

Joe Rogan

#67. I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.

Joe Rogan

#68. After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird.

Joe Rogan

#69. Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.

Joe Rogan

#70. I've been inspired by a shitload of people in my life so if there's ever anybody that I can inspire, to me that's a huge gift. To be able to turn that back around.

Joe Rogan

#71. It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

Joe Rogan

#72. Our entire civilization is built on a foundation of unfixable bullshit.

Joe Rogan

#73. Once you understand what excellence is all about ... you see how that excellence manifests itself in any discipline.

Joe Rogan

#74. Houston Alexander is for real!

Joe Rogan

#75. If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they're brooding all the time.

Joe Rogan

#76. I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.

Joe Rogan

#77. I always try to look at conflicts from as many different angles as is humanly possible, and in a lot of ways there is no one answer.

Joe Rogan

#78. The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.

Joe Rogan

#79. Maybe we can combine 2 things that everybody loves. Helping out the poor and blow jobs.

Joe Rogan

#80. You can't measure what's inside a man's heart.

Joe Rogan

#81. But it's hard for a chick to do comedy. It's not as open for them.

Joe Rogan

#82. Although not considered a martial art, boxing is really a martial art. It's a very limited martial art as long as you agree to just box ... but in an actual physical fight against someone who's just a wrestler, you're going to get killed.

Joe Rogan

#83. Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic.

Joe Rogan

#84. Houston people are way cool. They're smart, they know how to have a good time, and they have the hottest chicks on the planet there.

Joe Rogan

#85. The people who could most benefit from the self-reflective ego-dissolving qualities of cannabis are the ones that want it to be illegal.

Joe Rogan

#86. I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.

Joe Rogan

#87. Have you ever talked to someone, and you're not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.

Joe Rogan

#88. Haters ... are all failures. It's 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater.

Joe Rogan

#89. I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

Joe Rogan

#90. The Universe rewards calculated risk and passion

Joe Rogan

#91. Being a celebrity or anything else where you're really ambitious, it's really a game to see how successful you can get.

Joe Rogan

#92. One of the most fascinating lessons I've absorbed about life is that the struggle is good.

Joe Rogan

#93. My company is called Talking Monkey, Inc. It's because that's what I think all people are: talking monkeys.

Joe Rogan

#94. People love to see people fall.

Joe Rogan

#95. People are scared man, they're scared of the void.

Joe Rogan

#96. I want to make sure that everything that I'm creating, I'm creating it so other people get enjoyment out of it. And that's the reward that you get for that.

Joe Rogan

#97. Teaching someone that doesn't know something forces you to think about almost every single aspect of it, including parts of it that you could sort of take for granted.

Joe Rogan

#98. If the world was an etch-a-sketch, glaciers are the big shake.

Joe Rogan

#99. Martial arts are a vehicle for developing your human potential.

Joe Rogan

#100. If you attach your mind to any ideology, you're going to be on a road, and that road may or may not lead you in a good direction. But you're gonna stay on that road because you are attached to an ideology. It could be a terrible road, but you stick with it regardless of rational thinking.

Joe Rogan