David Thorne Quotes

#1. I do not own any camping gear, but this is not a problem, as I have watched every season of Survivor.

David Thorne

#2. The four seasons in Australia consist of "fuck it's hot," "Can you believe how fucking hot it is?", "I won't be in today because it is too fucking hot" and "Yes, the dinner plate size spiders come inside to escape from the heat. That is a fucking whopper though.

David Thorne

#3. Instead of finding myself in the future, I traveled about fifty metres along the sidewalk at 200mph before finding myself in a bush. When asked by the nurse filling out the hospital accident reports 'Cause of accident?' I stated, 'time travel attempt' but she wrote down 'stupidity'.

David Thorne

#4. Is the guy in the wheelchair in Glee acting or is he a real parallelogram?

David Thorne

#5. Holly, there's a raccoon on the back deck." "Really? What's it doing?" "Eating tika masala and naan.

David Thorne

#6. According to Holly, it's like the bank in It's a Wonderful Life but I don't watch black and white movies because I own a colour television and it's not 1945 so I'll have to take her word on it.

David Thorne

#7. Like a priest carrying home their first computer after hearing about child pornography on the internet, I was practically foaming at the mouth in anticipation during the drive to the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum.

David Thorne

#8. Charity is detrimental unless it helps the recipient become independent of it.

David Thorne

#9. I love Star Wars as much as the next person, don't get me wrong, I just have better things to do than learn to speak Wookiee.

David Thorne

#10. Should check the Internet and make sure everything on there is correct.

David Thorne

#11. You can't trust girls. When I get a girlfriend I am not going to tell her where I live or work.

David Thorne

#12. Copywriting basically consists of taking something dreadful, putting it in a box with a shiny ribbon, and presenting it to someone. Any disappointment the recipient has upon opening the box is entirely due to their own high expectations and therefore their fault.

David Thorne

#13. While I do not have a boyfriend, I do have a friend who is homosexual and I once asked him "Do you ever think about having sex with me because you are gay?" to which he replied "Do you ever think about having sex with Rosie O'Donnell because you are straight? Same thing.

David Thorne

#14. kept gloves in the car so I could stop and take rocks if nobody was looking.

David Thorne

#15. I was taught never to make a threat unless you are prepared to carry it out, and I am not a fan of carrying anything. Even watching other people carrying things makes me uncomfortable. Mainly because of the possibility they may ask me to help.

David Thorne

#16. Also, I am not sure what you are teaching in your classroom, but Seb came home the other week talking about a healthy eating pyramid. I had to explain to him that pyramids are made of stone and therefore not edible, so I would appreciate your not filling his head with these fanciful notions.

David Thorne

#17. I understand the need for conformity. Without a concise set of rules to follow we would probably all have to resort to common sense. Discipline is the key to conformity, and it is important that we learn not to question authority at an early age.

David Thorne

#18. How about you agree to waive the fine and I promise not to e-mail you the remaining eighty-six photos of my dog dressed as a bear?

David Thorne

#19. It is not necessary to attempt a resolution when it is self-resolving.

David Thorne

#20. Opinions are like nipples, everybody has one. Some have firm points, others are barely discernible through layers, and some are displayed at every opportunity regardless of whether the audience has stated "I am interested in your nipples" or not.

David Thorne

#21. Our production manager, Rebecca, sews outfits for her cat Jack. I'm not sure why. I guess she was just sitting around one day and thought, "Fuck this shit, I'm forty and single, time Jack had a Peter Pan costume.

David Thorne

#22. The old man dance, where I tense up, shuffle my feet intermittently, complain about the music volume, and sit down for a rest.

David Thorne

#23. that may be a bit of stretch as I'd obviously prefer to play Trivial Pursuit than spend the night in a spider cave or give a hobo a rimjob, but you get the point.

David Thorne

#24. I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism.

David Thorne

#25. In my country, terawatt globes are reserved for police helicopter chases and warning sailors of hazardous shoals. This is despite the fact that practically every living creature there can kill you in under three minutes. Our primary spoken language is screaming.

David Thorne

#26. Without a concise set of rules to follow we would probably all have to resort to common sense.

David Thorne