Top 100 Bill Watterson Quotes
#1. I keep forgetting that rules are only for little nice people.
Bill Watterson
#2. It's a funny world, Hobbes."
"True."
"But it's not a hilarious world. ... unless you like sick humour."
"The world is probably funnier to people who don't live here.
Bill Watterson
#4. How come we play war and not peace?" "Too few role models.
Bill Watterson
#5. I cut out construction paper feathers and taped them on my arms so I can fly! Pretty neat, huh?
Bill Watterson
#6. If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
Bill Watterson
#7. Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension.
Bill Watterson
#8. Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?
Bill Watterson
#9. If comics need to be deconstructed and explained, something is really wrong with them.
Bill Watterson
#10. I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
Bill Watterson
#11. The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!
Bill Watterson
#12. Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
Bill Watterson
#13. Books are almost always better than the movies made from them, because there are things books do well and things movies do well, but usually those things don't overlap: the same with comics and animation.
Bill Watterson
#14. You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.
Bill Watterson
#15. What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?
Bill Watterson
#16. I'm only civil because I don't know any swear words.
Bill Watterson
#17. Calvin: Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man? Hobbes: I'm not sure man needs the help.
Bill Watterson
#18. Calvin: I'm a genius. I can't believe how smart I am.
... I've got more brains than I know what to do with.
Hobbes: So I've noticed.
Bill Watterson
#19. They say the secret of success is being at the right place at the right time, but since you never know when the right time is going to be, I figure the trick is to find the right place and just hang around.
Bill Watterson
#20. Wake up, get up ... Shut up. Listen up ... Throw up ... Mix up, Goof up ... Hurry up ... "
"How's your day?"
"Looking up.
Bill Watterson
#21. Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
Bill Watterson
#22. But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!
Bill Watterson
#23. Miss Wormwood: Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first president was not Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and you ought to be ashamed to have turned in such preposterous answers!
Calvin: I just don't test well.
Bill Watterson
#24. Selling out is usually more a matter of buying in. Sell out, and you're really buying into someone else's system of values, rules, and rewards.
Bill Watterson
#26. You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.
Bill Watterson
#27. Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.
Bill Watterson
#28. I'm pulling out different aspects of my personality in writing each character and, if I'm doing my job well, I'm being true to the situation and true to the character.
Bill Watterson
#29. Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
Bill Watterson
#31. So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?
Bill Watterson
#33. You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the tiger.
The question is, how can you get the tiger back in the jungle?
Bill Watterson
#34. Van Gogh would've sold more than one painting if he'd put tigers in them.
Bill Watterson
#35. I'm a man of few words."
"If you read more, you might have a larger vocabulary.
Bill Watterson
#36. God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.
Bill Watterson
#38. A box of new crayons! Now they're all pointy, lined up in order, bright and perfect. Soon they'll be a bunch of ground down, rounded, indistinguishable stumps, missing their wrappers and smudged with other colors. Sometimes life seems unbearably tragic.
Bill Watterson
#40. It's not the medium, but the quality of perception and expression, that determines the significance of art.
Bill Watterson
#41. The best proof of extraterrestrial intelligence is that they haven't contacted us.
Bill Watterson
#43. On gray days, when it's snowing or raining, I think you should be able to call up a judge and take an oath that you'll just read a good book all day, and he'd allow you to stay home.
Bill Watterson
#44. Calvin: "I read this library book you got me."
Calvin's Mom: "What did you think of it?"
Calvin: "It really made me see things differently. It's given me a lot to think about."
Calvin's Mom: "I'm glad you enjoyed it."
Calvin: "It's complicating my life. Don't get me any more.
Bill Watterson
#45. I still read newspaper comics, but without much hope for their future.
Bill Watterson
#46. You can draw a penguin on a toilet reading The New York Times and it's adorable, but try doing it with an adult male character, and it's disgusting.
Bill Watterson
#47. I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
Bill Watterson
#49. Don't look into car headlights and freeze, because you'll either get run over or shot!
Bill Watterson
#50. If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
Bill Watterson
#51. The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take this milk. Why do we drink COW milk?? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, 'I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em!'?
Bill Watterson
#52. I'm thinking of starting my own talk radio show. I'll spout simplistic opinions for hours on end, ridicule anyone who disagrees with me, and generally foster divisiveness, cynicism, and a lower level of public dialog!
Bill Watterson
#54. You can make your superhero a psychopath, you can draw gut-splattering violence, and you can call it a "graphic novel," but comic books are still incredibly stupid.
Bill Watterson
#55. Today for show & tell, I've brought in some flash cards I made. Each card has a letter followed by several dashes. When I show the card, you yell out the vulgar, obscene or blasphemous word they stand for! ... Ready? ... She's such a hypocrite about building vocabulary.
Bill Watterson
#56. Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?
Bill Watterson
#57. I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.
Bill Watterson
#58. It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.
Bill Watterson
#59. In the right hands, a comic strip attains a beauty and elegance that, really, I would put against any other art.
Bill Watterson
#60. Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
Bill Watterson
#61. It's surprising how hard we'll work when the work is done just for ourselves.
Bill Watterson
#62. That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.
Bill Watterson
#63. I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.
Bill Watterson
#65. My likely historical significance is a terrible burden. ~ Calvin
Bill Watterson
#67. Is it truly being good if the only reason I behave well is so I can get more loot at Christmas? I mean, really, all I'm doing is saying I can be bribed.
Bill Watterson
#68. I think of football as a sport the way ducks think of hunting as a sport.
Bill Watterson
#69. I enjoy the drawing more than the writing, so I try to think of ideas that will allow me to develop the visual side of the strip as fully as possible.
Bill Watterson
#70. The writing doesn't distract me while I'm drawing and vice versa. I can devote my full attention to each.
Bill Watterson
#72. Things I will never like: 1. Drying off with a cold, damp towel. 2. The feeling of seaweed wrapping around my legs. 3. Anything that was popular in the 70's. 4. Licorice, yam, or raisins. 5. That high-pitched screech that babies make. 6. Writhing maggots.
Bill Watterson
#73. I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here.
Bill Watterson
#74. What's the point of wearing your favorite rocket ship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?
Bill Watterson
#75. I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
Bill Watterson
#76. Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made.
Bill Watterson
#77. Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.
Bill Watterson
#79. Calvin: I'm being educated against my will! My rights are being trampled!
Hobbes: Is it a right to remain ignorant?
Calvin: I don't know, but I refuse to find out!
Bill Watterson
#80. I've always been a huge fan of fantasy and adventure, putting yourself in someone else's shoes, I'm sure that's why I'm an actor. It's why I played with action figures as a kid, that's why I wrote and drew and read comics as a kid.
Bill Watterson
#81. I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life ... procrastinating and rationalizing.
Bill Watterson
#82. Day says the anticipation of having something is often more fun than actually having it.- Calvin
Bill Watterson
#83. Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone.
-Hobbes
Bill Watterson
#84. I'm resolving to just wing it and see what happens.
Bill Watterson
#85. Calvin: Medically speaking:. That's love?!? ... Hobbes: Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!!
Bill Watterson
#86. To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.
Bill Watterson
#87. My problem is that I don't paint ambitiously. It's all catch and release - just tiny fish that aren't really worth the trouble to clean and cook.
Bill Watterson
#88. I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.
Bill Watterson
#89. What I try to do in writing any character is to put myself in his position.
Bill Watterson
#90. We consume everything like potato chips. In this environment, I suspect the cartoonist's connection with readers is likely to be superficial and fleeting, unless he taps into some fervent special interest niche. And that audience, almost by definition, will be tiny.
Bill Watterson
#91. I've got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it.
Bill Watterson
#92. - I should be doing my homework now. But the way I look at it, playing in the snow is a lot more important. Out here I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life.
- Such as?
- Procrastination and rationalization.
Bill Watterson
#93. Why does man create? Is it man's purpose on earth to express himself, to bring form to thought, and to discover meaning in experience? Or is it just something to do when he's bored?
Bill Watterson
#94. Their textbooks would show me in grim illustration,
The most hideous thing even seen in creation
The museum would commission a model in plaster
Of ME, to be called, "Evolution's Disaster"!
Bill Watterson
#95. If I had rolled along with the strip's popularity and repeated myself for another five, 10 or 20 years, the people now 'grieving' for 'Calvin and Hobbes' would be wishing me dead.
Bill Watterson
#96. I wonder where we go when we die?" " ... Pittsburgh?" "You mean if we're good or if we're bad?
Bill Watterson
#98. I'm learning skills I will use for the rest of my life by doing homework ... procrastinating and negotiation.
Bill Watterson
#99. Your fingernails are a joke, you've got no fangs, you can't see at night, your pink hides are ridiculous, your reflexes are nil, and you don't even have tails! Of course people aren't content! ... Now if tigers weren't content, that would be something to wonder about.
Bill Watterson
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